walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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