i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
