I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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