6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
