i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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