I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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