my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You can't motorboat a personality
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
