Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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