Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
