Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
