My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
