I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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