We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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