just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
