she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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