I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
