Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
