Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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