I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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