i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
