I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
How does one acquire holy water?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
