hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
