Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
