eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
