My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
