who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
