You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
