508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
