she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
