I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
