He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
