dude i'm inner monologue high
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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