If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
