He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
