i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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