The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
