You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
