My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
