i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
