i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
