I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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