whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
