Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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