I heard we made out
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
