I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
