party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
