i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
All the doctor said was why
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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