You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
