As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
