He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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