theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
